hm

This week isn't going as planned at all. All the events are taking place correctly and in sequential order, but I can't connect to the people I really want/need to. I'm trying to figure out if it's me or them or just the fact that I'm leaving that is creating this disconnect between me and my closest friends.

baggy sweat pants, reeboks with the strap

This weekend was uber fun! I had an old skool slumber party in Indy with my college girl friends! The highlight reel:

==blowing up balloons then putting them up our shirts like pregnant ladies
==BEEFY nachos at fiesta ranchero
==shish kay-bobs and chocolate covered strawburries
==waking up to ashley's feet in my face
==framboise
==booty dancing
==sleeping in the living room
==cuddling while watching stupid 90s movies

There were no makeovers, but you have to save something for the next time, right? I had an amazing time. It was the perfect way to say auf wiedersehen to some of my closest friends. I will miss you sassy girls so much! No babies (legitimate or illegitimate) while I'm gone!
Steph, I mean it.

bittersweet

Now might not be the best time to second-guess myself, but I am. What the hell am I doing? I leave for Fiji in one week. 7 days. A very busy 7 days. And I'm scared. There I said it.

I was driving down to Indy yesterday, on my way to a college reunion/sleepover party (rad) and I got choked up because I already missed my friends and family. I feel like such a cry baby, but I don't want to leave my loved ones. I've never been on a trip alone before. I've always traveled with people I know or really good friends/family. This is just Amy. No sister to chill with in our underwear complaining about the lack of A/C in Deutschland. No friends to giggle with or to dance the night away in a techno club.

How is possible to feel so sad and then be so ready to leave that I can't wait 7 whole days? I have only been waiting for Fiji since Febs 2007! I'm so ready to meet new friends and challenge myself in a new way. I read the realistic (and disheartening) PC pamphlet "A Few Minor Adjustments" about all the cultural hardships I'm about to face and I thought, holy hell. This will be tough. And I still want to go. I'm so ready for this. Right? Right.

stay tuned.

Dear blog, I'm trying to figure out how to add features to you, so you will be hip and awesome. Like a picture link. Maybe a video. That way, maybe I can send videos home? You are most definitely a work in progress.

love,
amy

Is that the smell of burning flesh? Ew.

I went to the cancer beds today. I typically wouldn't do this because of the risk of skin cancer (and I already have some iffy moles). But I was trying on my clothes, deciding which ones I will take to Fiji. I noticed many of them were short-sleeved and I got to thinking about my European heritage and how the Fijian sun is intense beyond belief and I thought "you wouldn't just get up tomorrow and run a marathon. You have to train for that." So I went tanning.

Then while I was laying there I thought about how a tanning bed would be one of the most dangerous places to be in an electrical fire. The obvious danger being if your bed was the one on fire. But let's assume the fire is in another stall. The music is blaring, the lights are humming, the fan is blowing. You would have to strain to hear a fire alarm in there. Another obstacle would be you're naked. The thought of people burning to death because they couldn't get their holister jeans zipped up terrifies me. A Place to Tan, listen up. I hope your fire alarm is loud enough that even the sleepy tanners will be able to hear it, and get at least their panties back on before exiting the building safely.

ZZZzzzzz

I can't sleep. Let's do a quick time line of my past, present and future (in army time):
2300 went to bed
0030 finally fall asleep
315 get up to use the bathroom
420 wake up sneezing, take allergy meds
500 can't stop thinking, get online
715 wake up to go to work
1200 get off work
1207 take a nap

Until very recently, I've never had a problem sleeping. Lately I keep running through my packing list in my dreams, remembering essential items only to forget them when I wake. Or I dream about the patients at the O.D. I'm spectacle/contact lens problem-solving in my sleep. I'm stressed, obviously. I'm also concerned about my allergies. Even when I'm away from animals and taking my prescription drugs, I'm still suffering immensely. There is no reason I should wake up sneezing with an itchy mouth. That's just cruel, body. Bah, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I want a snack.